Planet Gryffinclaw by Zahraa

My rocket was shooting, like one of the stars. All of a sudden, I heard the sound of metal clanging. Terrified, I grabbed hold of my seat: I knew there was nothing I could do about it. The rocket crashed headfirst, nearly into a black hole. But, I missed it. I was on a planet. The engine gave one ferocious roar, started spluttering and stopped  altogether. Uncertain, I peered out of the door. It seemed safe, nobody else but me. So I floated out of the door, and into a strange atmosphere. I decided to explore. Apprehensively, I approached a strange looking rock. Trembling, my fingers brushed it’s hokey surface. And all of a sudden, it slid from my grasp, and turned to dust. Curious, I stared around me. The planet, unlike any other I’ve seen, was pearl white, it felt like paper, despite the fact it looked like solid rock. I decided to remove my space helmet, it seemed like there was air. Proper, breatheable air! I sniffed, appreciating the cool air. I closed my eyes, although I opened them an abrupt minute later. I felt a drop of water trickle down my cheek, yet when I reached to brush it away, there wasn’t anything there! My ears pricked up, still scarlet from the heat inside my helmet. I could hear a constant echoing sound, even though I was stood as still as a statue.  I sniffed, but the only thing I could smell was the smell, undoubtedly, of burnt toast. I cautiously tiptoed further on, to where I saw  a pole, only a few metres high. It was twisted, red and silver, on it read the words ‘In place of the moon, Slytherpuff’. It had a mysterious glow around it. And there was something mysterious about this planet.

One Response to “Planet Gryffinclaw by Zahraa”

  1. Mrs Atherton Says:

    I enjoyed reading your post Zahraa and you’ve used some good adjectives. Do you think you could rewrite these two sentences as one and turn it into a show not tell sentence? You’re very close!

    Apprehensively, I approached a strange looking rock. Trembling, my fingers brushed it’s hokey surface.

    Mrs Atherton


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